As Christians, the Bible is our operating manual for daily living; however, at times, it seems that there are some areas in life that are not covered by the Bible. Some might argue that there are gray areas and that everything is not in black and white. Others might say that everything you need to know is contained within God’s Word. Other than Pray While You’re Prey, the Bible is the only book that I have read from cover to cover more than once. I do not always read it in the same order or in the same manner, but it is chocked full of great wisdom and guidance for living.
The Bible is very clear about some issues. For example, it very clearly states that premarital sex is prohibited (1 Corinthians 6:13; 18). But, what about dating? A few years ago, I got into a pretty heated debate about what the Bible says about dating. My opponent’s position was that Christians should never date casually and that all other socializing with the opposite sex should be done in a group setting. My position, at the time, was, “Show me where it says that in the Bible!” The only courtships that have given me some insight into what a Christian relationship should look like before marriage are Jacob and Rachel, Ruth and Boaz, David and Bathsheba, and Mary and Joseph. I learned from Jacob and Rachel that a man should be willing to labor and wait for me for however long it takes. I learned from Ruth and Boaz that a man should be kind and willing to provide for a woman and that a single woman should not be waiting for a man to take care of her, but willing to work. From David and Bathsheba, I learned the dangers of tempting a man and falling into a lustful relationship. And, from Mary and Joseph, I learned that if you trust in God first, you can face any relationship crisis together. Nevertheless, I still do not see any verses that cover the “Rules of Dating for Christian Singles.” It would be very helpful if it were like the Ten Commandments; a step-by-step list of do’s and don’ts. So, what do we do if there is truly a gray area that is not specifically addressed in the Bible, like going out with a friend of the opposite sex that you have no intention of marrying, or what career to pursue or any other daily life challenge that does not have a black-and-white answer? And, I really mean no specific answer; this is not about poking loopholes in the Word or taking things out of context to fit our own agendas. This is about wanting to live a Godly life and not being disobedient. What I have learned in the time since this argument is that God’s Word is called the Living Word for a reason. If we have a question about how the Bible addresses an issue, the best person to ask is not a pastor or a doctor of divinity, it is God. That is one of the most awesome characteristics of God, we can ask Him questions and He will answer. It is not generally like an answer in the movies, where a thundering voice breaks through the sky. For me, it is usually a still, small voice from within urging me to pursue a particular course or I read the Bible and I see the answer I need in a verse that I have read several times. The words of the verse do not change, but what it means to me at that moment in time does. So, what about dating? Well, based on my own tendency to turn what should just be a friendship into a fantasy relationship, I choose not to casually date (see Dating). Nonetheless, each of us has to ask God for ourselves what His best plan is for us. If everything was clearly listed out in the Bible, we might put more faith in the book than in the Author. Again, I am not saying that the Bible is up for interpretation, some things are very much in black-and-white, but when it comes to our daily living in modern times, we need to seek God’s guidance, which will NEVER contradict His Word. Then, it is just a matter of whether we follow where He leads us or not. Ms. EV
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Who is holding you back from being the best that you can be? Who is keeping you from being a better friend, child, parent, spouse, sibling, or Christian? I bet I know one person we all have in common. Much of our lives, we play the blame game and take the Flip Wilson defense of, “The devil made me do it!” Yes, Satan is evil. He is the prince of darkness, the ruler of hell, and the tempter of the children of God, but even Satan is not responsible for everything we choose to do in our daily lives. Perhaps, before we are saved, the devil had more control over our choices. However, once you are saved, your soul belongs to God and the devil can’t make you do anything. Jesus proved that to us in Matthew 4.
Now, I am not saying that the devil will not mess with you. If he was brazen enough to mess with the Son of God, surely we are not immune to his deviance. He would love to fill our minds with oppressing and depressing thoughts, but we, children of God, are not his and he is not responsible for the bad choices that we make. We must take a good, long look in the mirror before we make excuses about who exactly is putting us through hell. Most people grew up with a dream of who they wanted to be. For me, I wanted to be a rich attorney with a powerful husband. I had my life all planned out; however, I never really spoke to God about what kind of life He had planned for me. I just assumed that my dream, which was based on money and fame rather than building His Kingdom, was the dream God gave me. Nonetheless, as big as my dream was, God had something even greater planned for me. Yet, I chose my plan over His plan. There were several signs that my plan was not going to work, but I decided to force myself into the mold that I had envisioned and I ended up being miserable. Then, I started blaming God for allowing the devil to mess with my life, but truth be told, I was the only one to blame. I was giving the devil way too much credit and pointing the finger at God for where I was in my life because I thought He should have protected me from my worst enemy. Well, you know what they say, “When you point the finger at someone else, there are three pointing back at you.” And, my worst enemy, on any given day, is not the devil; it is me! I am pretty confident that if we are honest with ourselves, many of us would answer the question, “Who is holding you back,” with, “I am holding me back.” As I said last week in God-Robots, God does not want mindless worshippers, so we have free will. He wants us to have life and life more abundantly, but that starts with taking responsibility for our own actions. The quicker we can admit to making mistakes, the sooner we can get out of God’s way and let Him lead our lives. Yes, Satan will challenge us, but, ultimately our choices are ours to make. We should be making them with God’s plan for our lives in mind. Are you willing to move out of God’s way, so that you can live your best life? Ms. EV I figured that since I have already written about driving for two days, I would continue with that theme today. Today, however, I am not talking about the rules of the literal road, but the rules on the proverbial road of life. What drives us? What is transporting us toward our goals? What is motivating us in our relationships with people? What is getting us to a deeper love and understanding of our Master? Are we purpose-driven or profit-driven? Is it wrong to be both?
I absolutely believe that I was meant to publish Pray While You’re Prey seven years ago. The book is my testimony, and, to this day, people tell me that it is helpful to them as they walk the single, Christian journey. While I am confident in publishing the book, I am pretty sure that the way that I handled publishing the book was not the way God would have chosen. With a manuscript that got rave reviews and just enough legal know-how to be dangerous, I very quickly took God’s plan and ran down my own path with it. I tried to get a publisher for the book. I sent out query letter after query letter and got rejection after rejection, so I felt that it was in my best interest to self-publish. I did all of the research of the costs of printing and publishing, gathered a team that was willing to invest time, talent and treasure and I was off to the races. Even with the help of others, I still needed more funding, so I got a small business credit card that had zero percent interest for the first six or twelve months or something, and then, of course had a huge interest rate if the balance was not paid in that time frame. (I should probably mention that at that point in my life, I was two years into my dad’s credit reconstruction/financial responsibility plan from all of the bad financial mistakes I had made in college and law school.) So, here I was with this fantastic testimony in manuscript form and a credit card, so that I could act immediately on my dream. At the time, I felt that by putting the printing and marketing costs (keep in mind that there was no social media) of the books on credit, I was showing God that I was “all in” on this vision. I was ready and willing to take on any challenge. In hindsight, I realize that I just was not willing to wait on Him to provide a better plan for what I wanted to do. So, I had a book release event, got my book in stores and did book signings. I was even on the radio promoting the book. But, as the time started to wind down to the high interest rate on the credit card, my motivation shifted from conveying a message of hope and encouragement to getting that cash money honey. I did not handle the moderate success that I had with the book very well. I expected people to come out in droves to my book signings and invite me to speak all over the country. And of course, once Oprah got a hold of the book, it would be in her book club, and I would be RICH…hahahahahaha! And, I wonder why God only shares pieces of information with me and not the whole picture! There is nothing wrong with believing that God will prosper you in His purpose for your life, but when you replace His plans with your own, you cannot expect the same results that you would have gotten if you had listened to Him. So, now I am at the halfway point of recording my first CD. People keep asking me what my next step will be and I keep asking God the same question because I never want to veer off onto my own path again. I had to stop and ask myself why I am even recording. The fact is that I have always had a desire to record music. The only other careers I envisioned besides attorney were educator and recording artist/producer. I do not feel like I came to those conclusions on my own because God has blessed me with the talents to match. I know that with music and writing of any kind that I do, the most important aspects are the lyrics and the message. Music is a universal language and I believe it to be one of my gifts for Kingdom-building. I would love for writing and music to be my careers; nevertheless, it is about God’s will and God’s timing. Right now, I am a teacher and I love teaching, but I did not intend to be a high school teacher forever, so is it wrong to want to make a career out of my gifts? Let me give you a hint, that question was rhetorical. I do not believe that it is wrong to pursue the passion that God has placed in you. But, we have to take the time to be brutally honest with ourselves and know whether we are driven by moving on God’s mission or driven by making that good money. When I felt that I was no longer going to make any money from my books, I quit because, at the time, I was profit-driven. All that mattered was the bottom line and that was wrong. Imagine if all that mattered to God was the bottom line. What if all He cared about was your salvation and after that you were on your own? Thankfully, He is a gracious and merciful God that does not just want us to be saved, but also cares about the quality of our lives. When it comes to dreams, goals, relationships, and loving God, we should be driven by purpose first and foremost. It is okay to be profit-driven if the gain is God’s glory revealed or souls snatched from the devil’s grip. God created us to praise and please Him, so that is what we are called to do and it is not about what we can personally gain. If God’s purpose in giving talents is for it to become a career, then that is what it will be. However, even if is it not meant to be a career, we should not going to stop using the talent for His glory. Many times we look at the provision, the people, and the purpose God blesses us with and we only want them for the benefits associated with them. If you throw away a blessing because you don’t feel that you are getting enough out of the deal, then you are strictly profit-driven. And, by profits, I do not mean strictly monetary harvests. So, as you move in the vision that God has for your life, be sure to note whether you are purpose-driven or profit-driven. Ms. EV Well, since I talked about driving yesterday, I may as well stick with that theme today. There are a lot of lessons to be learned while you are driving. For example, my mom and I were headed out the other day and I was driving. We had to make a left turn out of her neighborhood. This left turn is not an easy turn to make because it seems that traffic is always flowing steadily past the neighborhood, leaving little to no room to get on to the main road. As we approached the exit of the neighborhood, my phone beeped, so when I got to the stop sign, I checked to see who it was and if I needed to return the message while I was safely stopped. The only issue was that when I looked down at my phone, I did not realize that the coast was clear to make that left turn, and, by the time I looked up, there were cars everywhere. My mom looked at me and said, “You missed your opportunity.”
We sat at the stop sign for what seemed to be a very long time, but were probably about five more minutes, waiting until the coast was clear again for a left turn. And, though we reached our destination in plenty of time, my mom’s words were stuck in my head, “You missed your opportunity.” This time, I missed it because I was distracted by my phone. But, because I only live a few minutes away from my parents’ house, there are many times when I am sitting at that intersection, needing to make that left turn, and I miss the chance to make it for another reason, like the fact that I am afraid of making left turns that are not at a light. So, it got me thinking, “How many times do we miss opportunities because we are too preoccupied or too petrified to see our opening?” These missed opportunities can occur in our dreams and goals, our relationships, and in sharing Christ. I once heard my pastor say, “Whatever breaks your focus becomes your master.” We can be on a path to greatness, but if we allow distractions into our lives, they can cause us to miss opportunities. Distractions come in many forms. Our thoughts can be distracting, which is why the Bible tells us to take our thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). I don’t know about anyone else, but I know that my mind is capable of coming up with all sorts of scenarios that are much worse than anything that would ever really happen. And, when I give in to those thoughts of self-pity, self-doubt, self-centeredness (notice a theme here), it does not take long before I have talked myself out of pursuing a dream or goal. Other people can be distracting. Either we focus on what others are doing and become envious of their successes, rather than being steadfast on the path that God has given us or we become so focused on other people’s issues that we stop pursuing on the dreams God has placed in our hearts. Sometimes, we are too focused on what others are telling us we should do instead of listening to God’s voice alone. The minute we take our eyes off of the end goal because of negative thoughts or negative interactions with people, we miss our opportunity. Fear is another reason we miss our opportunities. Fear is only as powerful as we allow it to be. I have missed plenty of opportunities because of fear. Looking back, as a child of God, fear has no place in my life because it is not something that God intends for His children to have (2 Timothy 1:7). When I was engaged to my ex-husband, my mom, who was and is much wiser than I am, implored me to reconsider my decision. Rather than listen to her and take that opportunity to take control of my destiny, I let fear rule. I feared that if I did not get married then, I would never get married. At that point in my life, being single forever was a fate worse than death and I could not allow that to happen. Though my marriage was short-lived, I stayed married longer than I should have because I feared what others might say or think about me. I let fear win and I missed the chance to go to law school a year earlier, and to have the entire experience as an unmarried person. I am positive that I missed some opportunities to build friendships and fully engage in my learning experience during that time because of a decision based on fear. Are there times when you have realized that you missed your opportunity? I recently had someone with whom I wanted to be in a relationship a long time ago make a comment about missing his chance with me. But, it is not just about relationships. How many times do we miss the chance to use our gifts because we are distracted? How many times do we miss the opportunity to pray for someone or tell someone about Christ because we are afraid of being dubbed a “Jesus freak?” We have to pay closer attention to God’s urging and make that turn when the coast is clear; knowing that He is not going to cause us to turn too quickly and get into an accident. However, when we miss the opportunity, He will let us sit and wait and think about it. The good news is that God is a loving God, and whatever He has for you is for you. So, even though I missed my first opportunity, I eventually made the left turn and reached my destination. In the same way, God will allow us to get to the prize that He has for us, if we will stay focused and fearless. Ms. EV I have a serious problem. I have been suffering with it for about eighteen years. I should probably consult my doctor and have her order some x-rays because I am sure that my right foot is made of lead. Or, at least that is what I am told. (If you don’t get the joke, keep reading, let it marinate, and it will come to you). For as long as I can remember, I have been driving, “with the flow of traffic.” I have even picked on my dad because he so vigilantly obeys the rules of the road. In fairness, I have only ever driven a Corolla and a Sentra. If you have ever driven those cars, then you know that you only know you are speeding if you are looking at the speedometer because the ride is so smooth.
In college, my friends and I went on a trip and in our haste to get there, the driver (not me) sped through a construction zone and we got pulled over. I felt horrible because the ticket was going to be very expensive. So, I put on the performance of my life with tears, fake illness, the works, and we got out with a warning. After college, I got four speeding tickets over about a yearlong time period. I tried the tears on three of the four occasions, but it didn’t work. I had to go to driver’s school to get the points off of my license. Then, on my bar application, I had to put the details of my traffic violations, and once that was submitted, if I got another ticket, I would have to pay to amend the application. So, I changed my ways. I kept speeding, but I was much more observant about where the police officers were hiding. And, that worked until a few nights ago. I was on my way home from a hallelujah good time at an open mic night, and I drove past a police officer with someone pulled over and continued on my way home, as always, driving with the flow of traffic. Then, I saw a car pull up fairly close behind me and the lights came on with just enough siren to get my attention. I thought, “Surely he is not pulling me over for speeding. Maybe my taillight was not properly fixed or something.” My heart started racing and my palms started sweating. I rolled down the window to find a very stern looking police officer, who probably thought I was much younger than I am because my eyes started tearing as soon as he began to explain to me why he pulled me over, which was speeding and not giving enough space for the officer on the side of the road. He took my license and I started praying because I truly did not know the rule that I broke and I had not paid attention to my speed, so I was not speeding purposely. I got a very firm talking to and a warning, praise God, because who wants a $300-$400 ticket. I was still shaking the entire 2 blocks to my house (yes, I was that close to home). I thought, “Lord, I am thankful that you softened this officer’s heart.” Then, I began to wonder why he let me off with a warning. Maybe it was because he saw my God Belongs In My City t-shirt. Maybe it was the tears. Then, the fleshly side of me voiced the opinion that he didn’t have any proof of exactly how fast I was going because he hadn’t actually clocked me. Nevertheless, when it comes down to it, I didn’t approach the situation with the attitude that he needed to show my evidence of my wrongdoing. Instead, I had a sincerely contrite heart and the officer, and God, showed me mercy. So, what is the point of all of this? This incident taught me a lesson about my attitude towards rules. In this world, we have laws and rules, but more important than that, God gives His children boundaries. Our attitude towards those boundaries can determine how prosperous our lives are. (By the way, if we follow all of God’s commands, there will be no problem keeping man’s laws). Our attitude about rules stems from how we look at rules. I will take the traffic laws, for example, I usually see the speed limit as a flexible guideline. Sure, it says limit, but as long as you are driving safely and not harming anyone else, what is the big deal with breaking the rules. This is the same attitude with which people approach premarital sex, overindulgence in food and drink and many other sins. When God tells us not to engage in these activities, it is for our spiritual, emotional, mental and physical well-being. He is not calling us to adapt His commands to our own lifestyle. Sometimes, I look at the rules of the road as frustrating annoyances. I do not just get in my car to drive around. I have places to go and people to see and anything that slows my pace is annoying. Does this sound familiar at all? Why do I have to yield to other drivers? Or slow down at a yellow light? Or drive ten miles an hour so that other people can rubberneck at an accident? Many times I just wish I had a teleporter to get me from one place to another. At times, we view God’s boundaries as frustrating annoyances, too. It is as if we think God is holding out on us. And that is literally the oldest trick in the book. It is the same philosophy that the serpent used to deceive Eve in the garden. God is not going to keep anything good from us. He already has given and still continues to give us more than we deserve. All He asks for is that we show our love through obedience. God’s boundaries are not flexible guidelines or frustrating annoyances, they are fervent protection. As my uncle, Rev. Paige, said yesterday in his sermon, “God loves us too much to allow us to sin successfully.” If our attitude about rules becomes one of gratitude for protection from dangers seen and unseen, then we will gain a whole new perspective on how much God loves us. I work with children, they beg for boundaries, not literally, of course, but it is very obvious that they thrive on knowing that I will give them guidelines to lead them in the right direction. We need boundaries to show us the right direction for our best lives. And the sooner, we embrace an attitude of thankfulness that God cares enough to lead us in the right direction, the sooner we will fully enjoy our life’s journey. Ms. EV A few months ago, I mentioned that I went to an audition. Only a handful of people knew at the time where I was going because I learned from the story of Joseph that sometimes it’s best to keep your dreams within your circle of trust. Now that it is over and has been over for quite some time and the first episode has aired, I can reveal that the audition was for the show, Sunday Best.
I had been encouraged by several people to step out and audition for this type of opportunity, so I prayed about it and God did not tell me not to do it. Looking back, I am not sure if He told me to do it, but I am sure that there was not a “No” involved. I may have mentioned this before, but I do not like to go to auditions or job interviews because there is always the looming possibility of rejection. At least in my theatre days, I knew what the audition process would entail. In this particular instance, I had no idea what to expect. I sat in the freezing cold in a lawn chair for eleven hours, surrounded by strangers. I tried to sleep, but the audition, the anticipation and the anxiety of being in the midst of so many unfamiliar faces kept me awake the entire time. When the line finally started moving, I was excited, but weary. I signed an agreement saying that I would not reveal the process, so I will honor that and just tell about my experience. I got less than half a minute to sing. I got complimented by the judges on my enthusiasm. And, then I was sent on my way. It was a very humbling experience when that door closed. Last night, I watched the first episode, and I just had to thank God. First of all, I was proud of myself for watching the show because I had vowed as I left that day that I would not. Of course, that was the hurt feelings speaking at the time and part of growing in Christ is having joy for others when they reach their goals. I was also grateful that God gave me the ability to show Him how much His gift means to me. I was glad I did not stick have to around for the rest of the process because I was dead tired (and maybe a little delirious). And, after watching the auditions last night, I realized that even if I had made it to the final round to sing for Yolanda, Donnie and Kim, they would have cut me, which would have been even more heartbreaking. They told at least two prospects that their voices were better suited for theater. I know they would have said the same about me because the only formal vocal training I have comes from being in theatrical productions. I think that most of us have heard that when God closes a door, He opens a window. Sometimes we need doors slammed in our faces because that is the only way God can keep us on the right track, and then, we can live out God’s purposes for our lives. If I had been on the show, I do not know how far I would have made it on the show. Sure, it would have been nice for people across the country to hear me sing; however, because God gave me this talent, as long as I perform for the audience of One, I am using His gift for His glory. If I had been on the show, I still would not know what my voice sounds like. I know that sounds weird because, obviously, I know what my voice sounds like, but would not have been able to sing the music that I write. I would have been emulating other artists and my true voice would still be undiscovered. It was only through recording some of my songs that I was able to finally hear my sound. Speaking of recording, if I had been on the show, I would not be recording music right now. Even if I had won the whole thing, I would be signed to a label that would have control of my sound and my image. I believe that God wanted to be sure that He, and He alone, had dominion over my sound, my image and my life. God has allowed me to have an experience that made rejection less terrifying. He has allowed me the opportunity to shine in a room full of people in a way that I would never have imagined, given my introverted nature. Closed doors are blessings, too. Whether the door is closed on a career, a relationship or a dream, it has closed for a reason and God knows what is best. Never give up on your dreams because of a closed door. Instead, reflect on what you learned when the door slammed as you crawl out of the window and keep pressing toward the mark. Ms. EV I was up to my eyeballs in chocolate over the last couple of days for a catering job that required a cake with chocolate frosting. I needed melted chocolate for the frosting recipe, so I read the directions. Melting chocolate, for anyone who does not know, is an art form. You have to have exactly the right temperature and you cannot leave the chocolate by itself to melt. It must be stirred at exactly the right time, but not too much or it won’t break down properly. Well, it was late at night and I did not want to be up until the wee hours of the morning, so I saw on the side of the package that you could microwave the chocolate to melt it. Perfect! I read the instructions, got the microwave-safe bowl, put the chocolate bars in, set the timer, and pushed the START button.
About half way into the cooking time, which was calculated correctly, I smelled something burning. I looked and saw smoke billowing in the microwave. Tears started to fill up in my eyes because, if this chocolate was ruined, money would have been wasted, not to mention I was going to have to go to the store late at night and get more chocolate. I took a deep breath and looked timidly in the bowl to find that one block of chocolate had burned to a crisp. There it sat black a charcoal, but it was right on the top, so I was able to scoop it out and use the beautifully melted chocolate beneath it. It only took about half the time the box had instructed for this chocolate to melt. So, I made the frosting, and taste-tested it, of course, and it was divine. As I was spreading the frosting though, I found a little chunk of the burned chocolate, so I pickup that up and tasted it, too. YUCK!!! It was bitter. I was glad to have found it because I did not want any of the guests to each it, as it would have ruined the whole cake, which was delicious. So, why am I giving a thesis on chocolate? I love chocolate, especially dark chocolate, mainly because of all the antioxidants and health benefits. Yeah right! Chocolate tastes good and it makes me feel better when I am down, which is why I was shocked to discover how bitter it becomes when it is not handled properly. We are the same way. Each of us has our own set of instructions. God knows exactly the right temperature to let things heat up in our lives. He never leaves us alone when the heat is on us. He knows exactly when to stir things up in our lives, so that He can properly break down the parts of our lives that we need to be rid of and use us in our best form for His glory. Instead, we want what we want when we want it. Well, at least I do. I do not like it when situations turn up the heat on my life, especially, if I have to endure the heat for too long, and I definitely am a creature of habit who does not like for things to be stirred up around me. So, what do I do, I (and probably you) look for shortcuts. How can I get the result that I want without going through as much trouble? We look for the path of least resistance. And, sometimes that path seems to work, giving us a false sense of security about who is really in control. Other times, we rush our lives and take a turn that God never wanted us to take, which may leave us feeling burned and useless. We try to move forward from the hurt (sometimes caused by our own actions). But, when we try to clean up the mess, we can only remove what we can see on the surface. And sure, everything looks fine and is going well until we get spread a little too thin. Then, you can start to see the little chunks of mess that are left behind. If we don’t remove them, they will affect our whole entire being; our spiritual, mental and emotional health. Because these little leftover pieces of pain are bitter, and I don’t know if you have ever had something bitter, but it does not take much too ruin your pallet for whatever is coming next. So, rather than enjoy the assignment, relationship, or blessing God has for us, we are still reeling from when we tried to take a quicker route to what we desire. The bottom line is that we have to trust God. We have to live out His process because He knows so much more than we will ever know about our future. I don't know about you but I don't want any little chunks of chocolate bitterness in my life. I kept thinking to myself that I followed the instructions and I made the right calculations, so I did not understand why it did not work out. All I can surmise from that it that there is a good way to do things and there is a right way to do things. A lot of people feel that if they are good they will be blessed and go to Heaven. And, while they may be respected and get what they want on this side of Heaven, there is more to salvation and living for God than just being good. The right way to live and be saved, the only way to Heaven is to admit you are a sinner, believe in the risen Savior, Jesus Christ and confess Him as your Lord. So, being good may get you the results you want temporarily, but being right with God, will get you those results and so much more eternally. Ms. EV Yesterday, I heard that a young lady that I used to babysit got married. After getting over feeling old, I wanted to be excited for her; instead, my heart broke because, as I continued to listen to a description of who she married, I could tell that she had chosen a difficult path. I, being all too familiar with making a similar choice, knew that there was no way anyone would talk her out of the decision because once you dig your heels in and decide that you are going to choose the hard path, it is next to impossible for anyone to convince you otherwise. Hearing her story made me think about all of the times I have chosen to struggle.
Life is filled with enough difficulties that come from this world that there is no need to conjure up an unpleasant test in order to have a testimony. I am not sure where the notion came from that a person has to have been beat up by life in order to be a convincing witness for Christ. It causes me to wonder, when we choose to struggle, to take a path that we know is not ordained by God, to ride on the crooked road as opposed to the straight one, are we challenging ourselves or are we testing God so that we can testify? I do not know anyone’s story but my own. I know that God blessed me to grow up with married, saved, God-fearing parents who took me to church. They loved and supported my siblings and me in every endeavor we attempted. We grew up in beautiful homes in great neighborhoods. We never lacked anything we needed. We attended great schools that had plenty of books and excellent academic, arts and athletic programs. I was blessed with an ability to do very well in school without trying very hard. I was awarded scholarships to school. My life was almost perfect (and I only say almost because nothing is perfect this side of Heaven). I am not saying this to be boastful; all of these things were blessings from God that I know He did not have to give me. There was little to no struggle in my life and I praise God for that. But then in my late teens, I thought I was grown and I started making decisions that made my life harder than it ever had to be. I broke my vow of abstinence until marriage, I chose a college far from home, and then I chose to leave that college for all of the wrong reasons. God had rolled out the red carpet to my destiny, but I chose to struggle. I realize that some people do not struggle by choice. Some people are born into situations that are not ideal. Some people face crises with health and finances that they did not cause. That is not choosing to struggle. I do not claim to know why these struggles happen and how God chooses who faces certain challenges. I do know that there are tests of faith in the situations that are not of our choosing that can lead us into the greatness that God has for us. Let me put this in perspective, with the life of King David. Some struggles David faced were because God wanted to use David for His glory like facing off with Goliath and being chased by Saul. But, there are other struggles that David faced because he put himself in a bad situation like losing a child because of his dalliance with Bathsheba or be chased by Absalom because he had lost control of his children. When I say choosing to struggle, I am speaking of the latter challenges. Was David restored? Absolutely! God still loved David just like He still loves you and me when we make stupid decisions. I believe God when He says that there is nothing too hard for Him (Genesis 18:14). I also know that in context, that statement was made when God was speaking to Sarah about delivering her from barrenness, which was a struggle that she did not choose. We do not have to make life harder for ourselves to make our testimony believable. The most important part of the testimony is that God loves us enough that He gave His Son to die for us. That is true no matter what your life’s story happens to be. God can deliver you if you choose to struggle, but do you really want to live a life that is harder than what He has planned out for you? Ms. EV As a songwriter, well, a writer, in general, I pay very close attention to the lyrics of the music to which I listen. Growing up, I had no idea what I was repeating when my sister and I would belt out songs into a little red tape recorder. Thank goodness for karaoke or we would still think that in “Careless Whisper,” and “Take on Me,” George Michael and the lead singer of A-Ha had gone to Tennessee. (I will sing it for you later if you need to know how we came up with that one). Anyway, it is important to pay attention to what we sing, especially when we are singing to the Lord.
I am by no means knocking any songs or songwriters; it is just that sometimes when I listen to songs, I really analyze the lyrics. Like in the classic, “Walk with Me, Lord,” the lyrics say, “While I’m on this tedious journey, I want Jesus to walk with me.” I understand the intent behind the lyrics, but I believe that today many of us are just taking it a little too literally, asking God along for the ride and not really wanting to walk with Him. I think many people, including myself, at times, just want God to come with us and fix the mistakes along the way rather than having Him lead the journey. Do you let Jesus take the lead? Be honest with yourself. When we give God all of the control, we do not really know where He is leading us; it could be to some place that is unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Nevertheless, we should know that if He leads us there, it is for our own good. I read a bumper sticker once that said, “If God is your co-pilot, SWITCH SEATS!” God should be leading us as we walk with Him. I cannot promise that the journey will be any less tedious, but it will be successful. Ms. EV When I wrote and published Pray While You’re Prey, I thought it would be the key to my success. I figured it would bring me financial freedom, forever-lasting fame, and foster feelings of affection from suitors worldwide. I had a few visions of grandeur; don’t judge me. It was always my intention to keep God first and foremost in my endeavor, but somewhere along the line, I started making decisions and asking God about them afterward, which is very obviously not the right way to go. At the time, however, I did not see that I was leaving God out of the very gift He had bestowed upon me. I felt as if He wanted to use my testimony and the talent He had given to me for writing and public speaking to reach the masses, so that is what I aimed to do.
Because I was caught up in being a commercial success, I never stopped to realize how God used my testimony. I considered what I had done to be a failure. I gave up because the book did not produce my desired results. I did not stop to think or ask if it had produced God’s desired results. People kept asking when I would write another book and what my next project would be, but I did not feel like I could succeed at anything. An unsuccessful marriage, short-lived law career, and not being invited to be in Oprah’s Book Club left me feeling like nothing that I would do would ever matter. Feeling like a failure led to other behaviors for which I am not proud, but thank God that when He has a path for you, He will pick you up and put you back on that path with a better understanding of Who is in control. In an attempt to please other people, I tried to write another book. I followed the same format as the first one. I looked at Scriptures that spoke to me. I wrote an outline. I started writing. I pitched it to publishers and literary agents and got rejection after rejection. I could not understand why God would give me a gift and not let me use it. The truth of the matter is, God gives me plenty of opportunities to use my gifts and talents, but when I do not see their usefulness, I feel like a flop, which is right where the devil wants me. Because the devil knows that my ego is so big that I am unlikely continue on a journey if I am not getting some sort of accolades. But, this is not about me. Have you ever noticed that when you are not doing what God calls you to do you feel miserable? Not only do you feel miserable, but a lot of times, you want everyone around you to be miserable as well? So, I asked, “God, how do you want me to use what you have given me?” He replied, “Just write.” I responded, “But,”--because you know we like to throw those “buts” in there when God gives us an assignment; am I right, Moses--“Lord, nobody wants to read or hear what I have to say. It seems like a waste of time and effort.” He said, “I want to see what you have to say. Does anything else matter?” That was the problem. Everyone else’s opinion mattered more to me than what God desired. When the psalmist wrote, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I thought, “Yes, please. Lord, I love you. So, I’ll take a Christian male about six-foot-six, a writing and singing career, and a mansion with maid service, for the win!” That is so not what that verse means. That verse means that when you get in sync with God, His desires for you become you desires. You start to understand that regardless of the outcomes you see in front of you, there is a greater plan at work; the Master’s Plan. He doesn’t need your help, but He will use it if you are a willing vessel. So, I started writing as I was instructed. I honestly didn’t think that I would have something to say, but nearly every day, there is something on my heart to say. At times, that old, ugly monster of discouragement tries to bring me down by saying, “No one reads what you write, no one listens to your music, and no one cares, so why are you doing this?” My response, “Because my Daddy said so.” And, the Lord knows that I need encouragement, so every once in awhile, He lets me see His gifts to me reach someone that I do not know or did not think was paying attention. But it is not about me getting attention; it is about me giving God glory. It is about letting others know how He has surrounded me with loving people and life-changing experiences. If you know what your gift is, just use it to His glory because nothing else matters. If you do not know what your gift is, just ask God to enlighten you. He wants to use us as vessels for His greater works, but we can only be used when He is the center of our focus. Ms. EV |
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